There’s a reason why these gimmicky exercise devices air their infomercials and advertisements only during the late night hours of television. It’s because they know that if you’re up that late in front of the TV, chances are you aren’t all that healthy. And if you’re up so very late instead of being in your warm, cozy bed dreaming about baseball or classy women (or baseball AND classy women), then chances are you aren’t all that bright either. It’s a dangerous combination. These bogus companies feed off of the unhealthy, sleep-deprived dimwittery of the late night TV audience.
And can you blame them? I mean really. Look at you. Up so late on a weekday. Sitting in your pajamas. Watching all your DVRed episodes of “Doctor Who?” and “Castle.” Guzzling down chocolate milk by the gallon. You make me sick, you flabby out-of-shape degenerate.
Now update your cartoon website and go to bed.