When I first started this website so many years ago I made a lot of comic strips complaining about college and the cost of higher education. Now, so many years later, I am still complaining about college and the cost of higher education.

Some things never change…

The post The More Things Change… appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Someday I will make a movie. It will be glorious. I’ve even finished the first draft of my screenplay. So all I really need is the one-hundred thousand or so dollars to produce it. Sounds totally doable. Let’s just check the old bank account here…

Oh.

Well crap.

Hmm.

Ok so we won’t be starting production in the immediate future.

The post Movie Funding appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Movies today with their big budgets and fancy effects really don’t come close to movies of the past.

The other day as I was eating dinner, I was flipping through channels on the TV and discovered that the 1938 rendition of Robin Hood was airing. I ended up watching almost the whole thing. You see Robin Hood has always held a special place in my heart.

I always liked Robin Hood growing up. My first exposure to the legend was seeing part of the animated Disney version at my cousin’s house one day. All I saw was a glimpse of the opening credits. And yet something inside me told me that I needed to know what this movie was. Somehow I must have prevailed upon my parents because they managed to procure a VHS tape from my aunt. Because that’s how we watched movies back then. Movies recorded onto magnetic tape. Because what could possibly be more long-lasting than magnetic tape? But I digress.

I played the crud out of that tape. Over and over and over. Completely wore it out. This was the greatest movie of all time. I literally memorized the Disney version and could (and still can) recite it word for word with character voices and sound effects. I’m not exaggerating. I can do that. And when I do it it’s cool. I was enamored with his bow and arrow, his life of swashbuckling adventure. I made my own bow and arrows out of pencils and rubber bands, or the cooler looking but less structurally sound Construx.

I reenacted Robin Hood’s adventures. I practiced his mannerisms and his suave charisma. I fantasized about finding my own Maid Marian. (I still do. Shutup.) I repeatedly pretended to scale the castle walls and leap off of tall burning towers at the last minute by climbing a trellis on the front porch- which for the record is why the ivy on that particular trellis could never grow nearly as well as the ivy on the other trellis.

My obsession must have become fairly common knowledge because one day when my aunt was watching me, she decided to take me to the old-timey movie theater to see the 1938 version of Robin Hood. I’m not entirely certain how old I was. I’m guessing I must have been around 7 or 8, because the math adds up and my youngest brother would have  just been born or about to be born, and it makes sense why my aunt would have been watching me for that length of time.

So off we went. She told me about this old version of Robin Hood and that it was a really great movie. She told me about the old theater and how there was a man who played the organ there between shows. I’m guessing my cousin would have been there too, but the truth is all my memory of this day is tied up in the experience of going to the movie. It was a double feature. First we watched The Mark of Zorro, a black and white 1940′s film. 94 minutes later we were treated with the main event: The Adventures of Robin Hood starring Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland, and in full technicolor!

For the record, I can’t imagine taking a 7-year old today to a double feature of movies filmed entirely before the 1940′s. I can’t fathom it. I have no idea what my aunt was thinking. I mean, I just don’t think 7-year olds have that kind of attention span period, let alone for 4 hours of old-timey films from 50 years before they were born.

But oh how I loved these movies! Loved them. These guys were amazing. Dashing! Daring! Charismatic! I was absolutely glued to the screen! I remember the swordplay, the heroics, the adventure! These guys were everything I wanted to be! So awesome! So heroic! So cool! And y’know…they did alright with the ladies too.

When the movies were over, I was disappointed that there wasn’t a third movie for us to watch. I wanted to stay, hoping there might be another adventure for us to embark on. I had gained a newfound appreciation for story and cinema- one which has remained with me to this day.

I have returned to the old-timey theater many times since.

The post A Better Movie appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Everyone wants my money. I don’t understand it. The rent people want my money. The gas people want my money. The insurance people want my money. The phone people want my money. The tax people want my money. Crap. That reminds me I owe my accountant money… See?!?! EVERYONE wants my money. I don’t understand it.

What’s so special about MY money? Is my money special in some way that I’m not aware of? Is my money more popular than other monies? Is my money especially attractive or good looking? Is it the life of the party? I don’t get it. I think I need to tell my money to stop being so impressive and sociable. You hear that money?! You’re grounded! No more going out with friends for a WEEK! I mean…a MONTH! Yeah! Don’t talk back to me! You clearly need to put more effort into your studies! You’re failing economics! As long as you live under MY roof you’ll live by MY rules! Now get upstairs and don’t come out until you’re ready to start pulling your weight around here.

Pssh. Young monies. They don’t know what’s good for them.

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We’ve all heard the phrase “money can’t buy you happiness.”

I’m assuming that’s true.

I wouldn’t know. I’d love to test it out though.

The post Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Freeloader. Slacker. Mooch. Sponge. Locust. Bottom feeder. Bum. We all know one of these people. The guy who never brings anything to the table. The guy in the group who expects you to do all the work and then share in the credit. The guy who is always short a couple bucks. The guy who shows up and asks what’s for dinner. The roommate who eats all your leftover pizza when he thinks you’re all done with it. (Actually…I might be that roommate…)

We all know one of these people. Heck, at varying times in our lives (I’m looking at you college years) we’ve probably BEEN one of these people. But there comes a time in everyone’s life when you just can’t allow this behavior anymore. You need to speak your mind. You need to think of yourself. You have to stand up tall and proud and say:

“Dude. You need to start wearing your own underwear.”

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There’s a reason why these gimmicky exercise devices air their infomercials and advertisements only during the late night hours of television. It’s because they know that if you’re up that late in front of the TV, chances are you aren’t all that healthy. And if you’re up so very late instead of being in your warm, cozy bed dreaming about baseball or classy women (or baseball AND classy women), then chances are you aren’t all that bright either. It’s a dangerous combination. These bogus companies feed off of the unhealthy, sleep-deprived dimwittery of the late night TV audience.

And can you blame them? I mean really. Look at you. Up so late on a weekday. Sitting in your pajamas. Watching all your DVRed episodes of “Doctor Who?” and “Castle.” Guzzling down chocolate milk by the gallon. You make me sick, you flabby out-of-shape degenerate.

Now update your cartoon website and go to bed.

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You know what? Your system IS dumb. I’m a little sick of it. I went to grade school. I went to Junior High and High School. I was told I NEEDED to go to college because you just can’t make a decent living without a college degree. So I went to college. And when I got to college I was told I had to take this class, and that class, and fulfill this requirement, and spend a ton of money on these books that I would never actually read or even open.

Well I did all that. And after a few years and tens of thousands of dollars later I walked out of college with a fancy piece of paper and a couple of letters to put on my resume. And guess what? I’m still making the same amount of money as I was making before college. The only difference is there is a heck of a lot less money in my bank account after spending so much money on a college “education.”

So I’m here to tell you that your system is dumb. Your system is broken. The system has effectively drained my financial resources all while keeping me out of the work force for that much longer. So not only am I broke, but I also don’t have as many years of work experience in my related fields. So yeah. Thanks a lot for that academia. At least I learned how to write really witty essays and get perfect scores on them in my college English classes. Oh wait…all those essays I wrote were actually ones I reused from high school…

The post Your System Is Dumb appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Every week I sit here and do my little comic strip. I have a nice little schedule I keep. I typically create the comic strips on Mondays, and then write these snarky little blog posts on Tuesdays. Then they get posted every Wednesday at 12:29 am (y’know because you’ll do fine with twenty-nine).

Some months I lose all sanity and go on a comic publishing frenzy. Like in January I did comic strips and posts 5 days a week. It was intense. A frenzy of epic proportions. Last October I did comic strips 6 days a week. That was also intense. But I like doing it. I hope they are of some entertainment value to some of you. I wish I could do them more.

Unfortunately just like in today’s comic strip I have these annoying little people who always want me to pay bills. They always want my money. They keep coming back month after month. Truly relentless. But hey, that’s alright, because I have a fancy college degree! Surely my fancy college degree which I spent tens of thousands of dollars on will help be garner that high paying salary job that will enable me to silence those annoying bills…right?? Right?!?!

So my college degree is doing its part to help pay the bills (-cough-). Michael and the rest of my raccoon cartoons are doing their part as well. It’s not much, but they do help a little…sometimes…when they aren’t too busy eating pizza and drinking Yoo-hoos. Mmmm….Yoo-hoo…

But wouldn’t it be nice if I could entertain you on a more regular basis? Just think… If my cartoons generated a more reliable income I could afford to devote more time for comic strip making and snarky post writing! You could grace the pages of my website not once a week, but three times! Maybe four! Or…dare I say it?? FIVE! How sweet would that be?!

The increased updates would cause increased traffic to my site, which would in turn would cause increased advertising revenue. Then I could afford to advertise for the site more, which would lead to more and more traffic, would would lead to more and more revenue, would would lead to more and more updates, which would lead to COMPLETE ULTIMATE POWER OVER THE INTERNETS.

Ok. Maybe that’s an exaggeration. Maybe. But you get my point.

Which is why I’m tactfully persuading you, my readers, to help support the cartoon goodness.

Interesting fact: If everyone who visited my website were to donate a dollar over the course of a year, I could make this my full time job. Unrealistic? You betcha.

How about this: If just one third of the people who visit this site regularly were to donate a dollar a month, I could make this my full time job. Unlikely? Probably. But it’s still kind of cool when you think about it.

So I encourage you to ponder what to do with that extra dollar lying around your house. If you like the comic strips, or the snarky blog posts, or the animated cartoons, and would like to see more of them more regularly, you might consider investing that dollar in a certain raccoon themed website. I promise I’ll always keep the updates coming, as long as I am able and can afford to. And if you are feeling lucky, you can always make that donation in the form of a ticket purchase in our Sell-out raffle.

Thank you for your support. Here are some unicorns.

The post So Many Bills appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I need more work. If you would like to see “Raccoon Toons” printed in your local newspaper, write to your local editor and let them know!! It really helps! Send a letter to your local paper! Email them and tell them what you like about the cartoon! Send them our website address! Do it! Do it now! And if you don’t want to see “Raccoon Toons” in your local newspaper, then I have to seriously question why you are reading this.

The post Movie Star, Homeless Guy, it’s All the Same… appeared first on Raccoon Toons.