We really must do something about this whole time changing business. No one wants to change times. No one wants to move clocks ahead or backward. It’s a devious ploy to mess with your sleep. They just want to suck an hour of your life away like a cheap vacuum. It’s not cool man. Not cool at all.

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There’s just so much to do! I have all these ingenious little creative projects I want to work on. But people keep wanting my money. What’s up with that?? And so to appease them, I give them my money. Except then I don’t have any money. And money buys food and milk. And I like to eat food and drink milk. Sometimes. Once in a while.

So I have to go out and make more money. Except people aren’t as eager to give me money as they are to take it from me. What’s up with that?? So I have to work really hard and on lots of different things to make money. Milk money. And that takes my time. So much time. And then I don’t have the time to work on the cool awesome creative projects. And then the cycle repeats itself. Over and over. Viciously repeating. Kind of like episodes of “2 and a Half Men.” You beg and plead for the cycle to end but it just keeps going and going. Torturing your very soul. Which is really too bad. Because you really want to see my cool awesome creative projects. Because they’re cool. And awesome. They’re cool awesome.

Hang in there team. We’ll get there.

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Once upon a time, I got a random text message from someone named Alex. Alex was inviting me to go out with him to the Garlic Festival. There was really only one problem with that: I didn’t know Alex, and he was somehow under the impression that my name was Sheila. Ok, that’s two problems. But you see my point…er…points.

While the Garlic Festival truly sounded like a delightful event worth attending, I wasn’t Sheila, so I imagine Alex would have been greatly disappointed had I showed up in her place. Oh poor Alex… In my mind I envisioned a lovesick young man eager and desperate to ask out the beautiful and captivating Sheila. Surely he spent days or even weeks mustering up the courage to ask the woman of his dreams to the local Garlic Festival. What if he spent the rest of his life wondering why Sheila never responded to his message?! What if they were meant to be together forever?! And now because a simple miss-dial… nothing more than a slip of the finger…their eternal love might never come to fruition!! Their futures, and the futures of countless untold generations all hung in the balance!! The VERY FABRIC OF TIME could hinge upon Alex knowing whether or not he successfully asked Sheila to the Garlic Festival!! Whoa. This is heavy.

And so I did what any good upstanding romantic would do, and I responded to Alex’s message to let him know that he must have the wrong number. Alex sent his apologies in return. I told him not to worry, and wished him the very best of luck with his Sheila. He thanked me, informed me he had accidentally dialed the number wrong, and then wished me a great weekend. That Alex is such a polite young man. Sheila sure is a lucky girl.

For the next several days I wondered how things went with Sheila. What did she say?! Did she accept his invitation? Did they enjoy themselves at the Garlic Festival? Did she bat her eyelashes and laugh at his nervous attempts at humor? Did he tell her she looked pretty and casually try to hold her hand? I have to admit, I was a little concerned about their first kiss, it being a Garlic Festival and all… But that Alex is no fool. He’d been planning this for weeks. I’m sure he came prepared with some breath mints or something.

In my mind I already have them engaged. Alex asked Sheila’s dad for permission of course, but he’s such a gentleman there was never any cause for concern. They’re going to have a nice country wedding out in the valley, not far from where they had their first date almost a year ago. They’re so grateful I let Alex know he had the wrong number that they’ll probably hire me to shoot their wedding. It’s going to be a truly beautiful wedding video. They asked me because they wanted someone who really understands them and their deep and abiding love. They’re such a cute couple. I think I’ll wear one of my orange ties…the one with the nice floral pattern.

Oh gosh…I really need to get out more.

I never did find out what happened to Alex and Sheila. I didn’t want to be the weird creepy guy who texts back several weeks later to hear how things are going with the random girl I also don’t know. Obviously it’s far less creepy to draw a comic strip and write a blog entry about it instead. Far less creepy. But wherever you are Alex, I hope you got through to Sheila. I hope she said yes. I hope your date to the Garlic Festival was truly magical. And I hope your future is bright. Wherever you are Alex, I’m rooting for you.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Update  4/12/12

I was actually able to find Alex’s old phone number and decided I’d go ahead and text the strip to him. I received this response:

“Hi Matt. That was a truly comical tale that you wrote. The Garlic Festival was a good time, however, Sheila is my friend, and also married, but not to me. I’m a female too, and not a lad. Alas, we shall never lead the life that you hoped for us. I forwarded the cartoon to her, and she enjoyed it as well.”

I must confess I found this news to be deeply troubling. Sheila married!?! Alex a WOMAN?!?! My life might never be the same. But don’t worry Alex. I’m still rooting for you. There’s other fish in the sea.

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