Summer time is almost here! I myself am very much looking forward to a little extra time and a little extra fun. Just a few more weeks people!!

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I do feel bad for those security agents sometimes. I mean, they’re not the ones making the rules. And I’m pretty sure they don’t really want to get all handsy with me anyway. At least…I don’t think so…

The “Get-Yourself-in-a-Comic-Strip” contest is officially over! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated and shared their favorite Raccoon Toons comic strips with their friends. It was a huge success for me, as January had more traffic to the site than ever before! In addition to that, it was really fun for me to see which comic strips were selected as people’s favorites.

There were MANY people who took part in the contest but only one could emerge victorious. At first I thought it might be fun to put all of you in some type of caged-ring to fight to the death with only the victor remaining to gather the spoils of being featured in a comic strip. Turns out that cage matches are actually kind of expensive to put together though, and I was too lazy anyway.

So a winner among the contestants was chosen completely at random using one of those fancy random number generator things. You all had an equal chance of winning. And for all of you who didn’t win, don’t fret, there will be future promotions and chances to get yourself into the world of Raccoon Toons in the future. So hang on to those lucky pennies.

And now the winner of the Get-Yourself-into-a-Comic-Strip contest is………………..!!!

-drumroll-

Congratulations to Gabriel Brethauer of Pineville, Arkansas! You will be featured in an upcoming Raccoon Toons comic strip, so stay tuned!!

The post Excuse Me?? appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

You know the feeling all too well. You’re patiently waiting in line at the airport. You’re caught in a sea of people. Being corralled like so much mindless cattle. You made all the proper preparations. You didn’t pack your broadsword in your carry on. You don’t have any “liquids of death” or “nail clippers of doom.” You even wore your easily removable shoes that don’t contain weapons of mass destruction. You were so ready for this checkpoint. But the repetitive sound of gray monotone plastic bins stacking and re-stacking is slowly wearing you down. It’s sucking your will to live.

You arrive at the moment of truth. You’re no amateur, you’ve got the system down. Shoes, belt, pockets… Only a few more minutes of this charade and you can go sit by your gate for the next hour or two and make fun of other travelers with your clever inner monologues while you rock out to your iPod. But then, it happens. A large overweight TSA agent approaches you. You’ve been randomly selected.

There are really only a few ways you could interpret this “random” selection. You may choose from any of the following:

1. They think you are a terrorist. They’re on to you. That sweet innocent traveler act isn’t fooling anybody. Your shifty eyes must’ve given you away. Blast! It’s only a matter of time before they discover your shocks with the 3-foot collapsible machetes in them!! Should’ve taken the train you America hating Nazi!!

2. They don’t think you’re a terrorist. But they do think you’re hot, and they’re looking for a way to keep the eye candy around a little while longer. Because that’s what you are: sweet, sweet, delicious eye candy. I suppose you could take it as a compliment. Just remember that when they ask you to step into the image scanning machine, or assume the position for your pat down. What’s that you say? You’re sure they will be very professional when they’re sliding their hands up your crotch? Who are you kidding? We both know what’s going on in their heads. I’m a guy. I know how guys think. Should’ve taken the train you sweet, sweet temptress of the terminal!

3. You were selected randomly by some sort of machine, and you are just really unlucky. You poor loser. You can’t even win a game of rock-paper-scissors, let alone avoid being randomly selected for additional security procedures. At least you can take some comfort in knowing that our crack-shot airport security team is pulling a few random people out of line… Y’know, because they can’t seem to identify the loads of explosives under the pants of the guy ahead of you… I suppose you could’ve taken the train, but you’re so unlucky that someone would have placed a penny on your track causing you to derail and die a horrible  death by “exploding into a FIREBALL!!”  …you unlucky loser.

I should note here that I’m not in favor of “profiling.” What I am in favor of is some well trained professionals who aren’t making minimum wage, with real experience who can identify people acting and behaving suspiciously. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a guy who likes to take the train.

The post Randomly Selected appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I’m not going to repeat yesterday’s rant about the TSA’s security measures. But I will say that I’d probably complain about them a lot less if I got a pretty TSA agent to do my pat-down. Just sayin’.

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You still have a chance to be featured in an upcoming Raccoon Toons comic strip! The official rules are here, but it’s really very simple:

1. Like the site.

2. Share your favorite comic strip from the site with people who are awesome.

3. Tell me you shared. Leave a comment, send an email, whatever.

4. Eat a cookie.

SO easy!! Make sure you tell me that you shared so I can get your name down. Leave a comment here or on the facebook page, send me an email (matt at raccoontoons.com). Just let me know SOMEHOW that you shared or I won’t know to enter you into the drawing. One lucky winner will be selected at random and they WILL be drawn into an upcoming Raccoon Toons comic strip! You have until 12:29 am (California time) on February 1st. Good luck.

The post Private Screening appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I don’t like the TSA. Even before they started trying to get all pervy with everybody I didn’t like them. I didn’t like them when they asked me to take off my shoes. I didn’t like them when they made me pack my pocket knife. I didn’t like them when they freaked out about my shampoo bottle. I certainly didn’t like them when I was randomly selected over and over. And I also didn’t like them when they made my younger brother miss his flight because he didn’t have a licence to drive (which by the way, you do not need to fly).

But these new procedures have really got my goat. They just aren’t right. I’m not concerned with whether or not people are comfortable with them. I know that for many people and maybe perhaps you as well, these new scanners and pat-downs aren’t a big deal, and are nothing but a minor inconvenience. But that’s not why they bother me. Something about it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Kind of like my mother’s tuna casserole which was the bane of my existence all the way through childhood. I feel like it crosses the line (the TSA’s new procedures…not my mother’s casserole). It’s just not right. Because this is America dangit. It’s not the way we treat our citizens. When we treat our own countrymen this way, the terrorists have won.

Regardless as to what you might think of these new procedures, I just don’t believe that they’re actually doing anything to prevent terrorist attacks. I don’t think these check points are effective. Not only that, but I think terrorists probably lost interest in hijacking planes about the time the airlines started locking their cockpit doors. I mean honestly, I think bombers would be more likely to target large cities or malls or events full of tens of thousands of people rather than a plane of 100 or so passengers. But that’s just me. I’m probably too smart to be a terrorist.

So that’s my little rant about the TSA. I don’t think they’re effective. I don’t think they’re appropriate. And I don’t think they’re really there to protect us. And so I say to the TSA along with many others, “don’t touch my junk!”

That’s my opinion. You of course are welcome to have your own. Thankfully, we’re still entitled to that.

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Right now there are probably a whole bunch of people who found this comic strip because today’s title was “Naked Pictures.” You’re all a bunch of sickos, you know that?? Gosh. Go take your dirty ideas somewhere else.

For the record, I am pretty opposed to those naked image scans and “advanced” pat downs at the airports. I know it’s not a big deal to many people, and maybe it isn’t. But I feel like it’s an invasion of privacy regardless, and I don’t think it’s right to force air travelers to choose between getting image nude-ified or getting felt up by what might just be the bottom feeders of all government agencies. It’s a tough call…it’s gotta be them or the DMV. Anyway, that’s my opinion. I’m not usually all that political.

The post Naked Pictures? appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I may or may not be madly in love with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Alright fine. We both know I’m not fooling anyone. All those old T-Mobile pamphlets around my room are a dead giveaway. I am madly in love with Catherine Zeta-Jones. But seriously, can you blame me?? I mean, have you SEEN Entrapment?? Good grief! If all Welsh women look like that I should seriously consider moving to Wales.

I will say that The Terminal wasn’t my favorite. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t something to write home about either. I thought the idea was clever though; a story about a guy who literally lives in an airport. Speaking of which, I totally got lost in an airport not too long ago. I dropped someone off at the gate, and then when I tried to walk back to my car, I literally walked for 20 minutes, and then somehow found myself, at the exact same gate as when I started. I laughed. Apparently I should have brought my GPS with me.

OK. One more time.

The post The Terminal appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

This was a fun one to make. And I didn’t even plan it. Sometimes when you’ve written for characters long enough, they start to write themselves. This is one of those strips that the characters wrote themselves. Took me by surprise as well.

But what does it mean?!? Are Michael and Wendy back together? Is the chase finally over? And what about everybody’s favorite delivery man?? So many questions left unanswered… I guess you’ll just have to come back and read my work everyday for the rest of our lives, while throwing money in my direction to support your need for closure. Yeah. That’s a good plan. Let’s go with that.

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Don’t forget to enter the drawing for your chance to be drawn into an upcoming comic strip! It’s easy, free, and only takes a few seconds of your time!

The post It’s About Time appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I love Disneyland. I really do. I love the atmosphere and the energy, the traditions and the memories. I never seem to get tired of it. Over the years I’ve become a bit of an expert at the park, knowing how to maneuver in and out of congested foot traffic, and hitting all the best rides at their proper times. I even know where in the park to get a trusty Indiana Jones Decoder card so I can read the walls in the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. (But of course, I don’t need to go get one, because I already have one. Obviously.)

But one of the things I am most amazed at is the staff of Disneyland. Day in and day out, they constantly remain calm, energetic, and absolutely and ridiculously enthused. I don’t know how they do it. Case in point:

A few years back, some family and I ventured onto the Hollywood Tower of Terror in Disney’s California Adventure theme park. We were pretty amped up. I was with my uncle and a couple of his kids and it would be their first time riding a thrill ride of this magnitude. The “cast member” operating the ride (who like everyone else in LA, I’m sure was really an actress…) was stellar. She used her best haunting voice. She waved her flashlight for dramatic effect. She had an sinister twilight-zone-ish laugh. Basically she was awesome. If I was writing a screenplay that called for a sinister bellhop and elevator operator I would find and call her agent post haste.

And then, everything went wrong. And not “make-believe” wrong like it was supposed to. No. This was “actual ride breaking down” wrong. Right as we were about to begin our dangerous and thrilling journey, right as the doors were closing, some guy in our “elevator” quickly decided to buckle his backpack into the empty seat next to him. Because it was already as the ride was beginning, the automatic safety precautions took effect, thus stopping the ride before it ever got started.

Our ride operator and “bellhop” calmly reacted to the situation. And she did so, without breaking character. Except, the ride wouldn’t start. We sat on the ride for about 20 minutes. 20 minutes. In a dark elevator shaft. Strapped into a chair. And as the poor ride operator struggled with the system that would not respond, she never broke character. Not once. She remained, an eerie, somewhat spooky bellhop elevator operator. As a result, no one got upset. No one’s mood soured. Everyone laughed and joked about the situation, even the poor guy who had caused it by buckling his backpack into the seat. It was really amazing. Finally, after 30 minutes had passed, another cast member came and moved us to another “elevator” and we went rode our ride.

When once the ride had ended, I preceded to the exit and saw our elevator operator. Quietly I smiled to her and let her know how impressed I had been with her for handling and diffusing what could have easily become a very stressful situation. Only then, for the briefest of moments, was her spooky facade lowered as she smiled and thanked me for my remark. And then, as quickly as it had vanished, her eerie character returned as she prepared to greet another group of passengers.

I’m impressed by these people who make little money, and who do their best to see that people like me can have a memorable day at a theme park before we return home and write about it under our comic strips.

Well done park workers. Well done.

The post Happiest Place appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Could I ever live in LA? There is a growing number of people who are plotting my relocation to the Los Angeles area. They think I would enjoy living and working there. I have mixed feelings.

On the one hand, there are a lot of creative opportunities down there, and I DID study film in college.

On the other hand, you could spend the rest of forever trying to land a decent job in LA and never really get anywhere.

On the third hand (let’s just assume we’re some kind of extra appendaging mutant), it’s still California, and there’s no snow there, and that is marvelous.

On yet another hand, it’s Dodger territory, and that could prove to be very hazardous to my health.

So I have very mixed feelings. I’m not sure I could really fit into the LA life. What if I get too caught up in the glitz and the pursuit of fame? What if the paparazzi pester me so much that it interferes with my personal life? What if my private matters are plastered all over the tabloids to such an extent that it ruins my marriage to Catherine Zeta Jones, resulting in a tumultuous divorce and custody battle, thus bringing my life to shambles?!?! Soooo many things to think about…

The post This Is LA appeared first on Raccoon Toons.