You may think that you have no control over the outcome of a game while you sit at home on your couch watching the broadcast on TV, but you’d be WRONG. So very wrong. Real sports fans know that there are all kinds of little superstitions that can make or break the game.

For example: I am very aware that one’s wardrobe can make a great deal of difference. You should not, wear any colors of the opposing team on any given game day. Doing so would put the outcome of the game at risk. Don’t tempt fate my friend. I don’t care how good you look in blue…when the Dodgers come to town, you leave that shirt in the closet.

The outcome of games does not hinge only upon wardrobe either. If your friend comes over and sits down on your couch and all of a sudden your team scores 5 runs in the bottom of the 6th inning to tie the game, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES do ANY of you leave your seats. Not even for a moment or a trip to the bathroom. You might completely throw off the delicate balance of karma. Don’t risk it man. Don’t risk it.

Lastly, as I have discovered as of late, it TOTALLY matters which urinal you use on your way into the ballpark. That might be way more information than you wanted to know, but I felt it was critical that I get this information to the masses. You’re welcome.

Go team.

The post Baseball Superstitions appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Recently I bought a new universal remote control. It’s not just any remote control. It’s a beautiful wonderful device that will control all of my components where lesser remotes failed. It has learning capabilities, programmable buttons and Bluetooth technology. It is the master remote. The “one remote.”  One remote to rule them all.

Unfortunately, I do not always get control of the “one remote.” You see I have a nice television. Everyone really likes it. And everyone really likes watching it. Some more than others. Some more than me…

If there is anything I have learned from living with various roommates throughout my years, it’s that not all of them have my impeccable taste for television programming or my penchant for all things baseball. In fact, some of my roommates throughout the years actually have television addictions of their own. This causes quite the discrepancy in my television viewing habits. Particularly during baseball season.

Being the non-confrontational person that I am, I often elect to listen to my baseball games on the radio, or watch my television late at night when others have retired for the evening. I don’t mind for the most part. It works out pretty well. I get to watch my TV late at night in peace and quiet, and during the day my roommates can get their regular 8-hour dose of their particular brand of extremist political propaganda, college sports from the Midwest,  and reality television. Sometimes for sake of roommate relations, I even sit in for a minute or two during these 8-hour media binges. Unless of course it’s reality television. I can’t stand that reality television. I don’t know why anyone in my apartment ever watches reality television.

In hindsight, maybe I should have kept the “one remote” a secret.

The post One Remote appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Sometimes writers ruin things. It happens. I’ve come to expect this. You have a perfectly good tv show, and then one fateful day, the writers decide to stray from the formula. It probably begins innocently enough. A group of writers sit around anxiously discussing how to create a more compelling story for their show, when some young up-and-comer strolls into the meeting one day with his heart all a flutter.

“Hey guys! I have this really great idea for our show! It’s really going to shake things up!”

“Ok. Let’s hear it.”

“Ok. What if….you ready for this?? What if our main character discovers there’s more going on than he realizes??”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…like a CONSPIRACY!!”

“Wow, now there’s an idea!!”

“I know right?!?!”

“Where did you ever come up with such an original and novel idea?!”

“It just came to me!!”

“Just like that??”

“Just like that! I was out to dinner, eating my chimichangas, when all of a sudden…BOOM! Conspiracy!! Of course!!”

“That is genius! You sir, are a genius!!”

A season passes, and once again we find our writers sitting around trying to figure out how to make their story more compelling.

“We really need to make our story more compelling!!”

“But how?? The main character has discovered all of the mysteries of the great conspiracy he’s been fighting against! Where do we go from here?”

All of a sudden, Joey the intern leaps up to his feet with a sudden burst of inspiration.

“WAIT! I HAVE IT!!”

“What?”

“What if…there’s an even BIGGER conspiracy under the conspiracy??”

“A conspiracy UNDER the conspiracy?!?! You mean like….A DOUBLE CONSPIRACY?!”

“Forget double man!! I’m thinking TRIPLE– QUADRUPLE CONSPIRACY!!”

“Whoa. WHOA. This is intense. You are blowing my mind man!!”

“Right?!?!”

“We gotta write this stuff down!”

After the above scenario is repeated over and over and over for about 5 or 6 years, and the writers have successfully destroyed any remaining remnants of what was once a totally awesome and compelling show (I’m looking at YOU “Burn Notice,” “24,” “Alias,” “Prison Break,” “Heroes,” etc, etc, etc.”), the writers will find themselves once again, sitting around their room trying to find a way to make their story more compelling.

“I don’t get it man. We keep adding conspiracies and the ratings are still down! It’s almost as if viewers are tired of trying to follow a never ending web of bad guys, working for bigger bad guys, who work for bigger bad guys, who are actually working for that other guy who turned out to be the biggest bad guy of them all!”

“You forgot about 4 or 5 other bad guys in there.”

“My point is, we need a hook. We need some kind of twist.”

“I have an idea! We could have everything up until this point actually be part of an even bigger and more complex and unimaginable conspiracy!!”

“No. No conspiracies. Not this time.”

“No conspiracies?!?! But–”

“No. We need something new.”

“Something new?”

“We need something that’s never been done before. An original idea that will really knock our viewers socks off! Something so different and so unique and so dramatic no one will ever see it coming! “

“But what?”

“What if….”

“Yes…?”

“What if…..”

“Yes….?”

“What if….the main character’s dad didn’t REALLY die?”

“WHOA! WHOA!”

“What if he’s still alive?!?!”

“Oh man, this is incredible! THIS IS HUGE!”

“What if he’s still alive and he’s somehow involved in the conspiracy?!?!”

“Holy crap!! My mind! My mind is– How do you come up with this stuff?!?!

“I don’t know!!”

“You are a freaking genius man! THIS is why you’re paid the big bucks!”

“I can’t wait to get this to the producers!”

Yeah. Sometimes writers ruin things.

The post The Writers Are Bored appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

06/14/2007 I had to say goodbye to all my kids yesterday. It was hard. I hope they enjoy their summer and that I see them again soon.

Now I need a new job. And yes, I do hate reality television.

The post Reality TV appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

11/13/2006 – -Whew- I wanted to get this up sooner. But I had a pretty busy weekend. We had quite the movie extravaganza the other night. My sleep schedule is all outta whack now…as if it wasn’t before…

In other news, I may or may not have had cookies for breakfast…

11/10/2006 – I have a strip all inked and ready to go, but I’d like to color it, so it probably won’t be up until tomorrow afternoon. I keep getting more and more visitors, so I’m starting to feel really obligated to add strips more frequently. I’ve been looking at the site statistics lately, and it’s been a lot of fun to see where my visitors are from. I especially find it humorous when my stats tell me that people are visiting the site from their office computers. I’m glad I can provide a healthy distraction from the mundane grind of office life…and I promise I won’t tell your bosses.

In other news, yesterday was “Useless Fruit Smashing Day.” Having been the thriftiest of accountants in life, I’m not sure my dad would have ever participated in such festivities, but I hope he was able to witness the tremendous array of orange and pumpkin spatter, and that it brought a smile to his face.

10/19/2006 – I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a while. There was this big movie project that took up a few weeks of my time. 72 hours straight with no sleep. They came out really good though, so it was all worth it. Then there’s playoff baseball…I don’t need stupid fatman Tommy Lasorda to tell me it’s my duty. But now the Mets are out and I have to choose the lesser of two evils…

The post That Should’ve Worked appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

04/09/2004 – Man, I’m so glad it’s Friday!

Went through the site and changed some of the numbering for the latest strips, you shouldn’t really notice a thing. Well, not much to report, other than the usual. VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

The post Temptation appeared first on Raccoon Toons.