For the record: I love Transformers. I always have. I always will. But I’m not talking about the movies that came out recently. I’m talking about the 80′s. The real deal. I own all the original cartoons on DVD…twice. The 1987 Transformers movie was the stuff that dreams were made of, and starred Orson Welles in what would be his last performance. Transforming robots. That’s magic right there. But then came Michael Bay

Michael Bay had a chance to do something awesome. But he didn’t. Instead he took what was probably the worst script of all time and made it even worse. I was a film major, so yeah, that’s right, I’m totally allowed to say this. Transformer fans everywhere cringed when he was named director, but even we didn’t know how bad these movies were going to be. And don’t go and tell me that they’re good. Don’t argue with me and say, “Oh, what are you talking about? That first one was great!” Because you know what? It wasn’t great. It was greatly awful. Forget that I’m a die hard child of the 80′s. From a film standpoint alone, it was awful. No character development. The transformers are secondary cast members. The deceptions don’t even HAVE characters, and when Jazz died, I didn’t care. I mean really! Jazz is supposed to be awesome, and I didn’t even care! Way to endear the characters to me Bay. Nice work. Oh and everyone knows that Jazz never died in the 80′s. Moron.

Michael Bay really ruined his chance to make an awesome live action Transformers movie…and in doing so, he collectively tore into the souls of Transformer fans everywhere and blew chunks on our childhood memories. No. I’m not even exaggerating a little. And if I ever see you on the street Michael Bay, I’ll probably punch you in the face…or at least call you an idiot.