It’s almost Thanksgiving. And you know what that means. No, I’m not talking about seeing family. Forget them. I’m talking about seeing pie. Glorious, delicious, wonderous, pie. Pies of all kinds. Pumpkin. Apple. Lemon Meringue. Fat pies. Skinny pies. Pies who climb on rocks.

THIS is what Thanksgiving is about people. Don’t let anyone fool you into believing otherwise.

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It’s Election Day!!! So I put this week’s comic strip up a day early. I figured you could all use a little extra laughter today. Because the way I figure it, about half of you are going to be depressed by the end of the day.

But not me. Because I’m totally going to go start my OWN country. One with cookies for currency and plenty of affordable housing. Because my country is cool like that. We’ll call it: “Mattopia.” And it will be awesome. You will all beg me to live there. And I might let you. If you’re lucky. Whatever happens this Election Day, remember that we’re all people, even if we disagree on different issues. And if you promise to play nice, you might just be granted citizenship in Mattopia. You have to fill out an application first though. And promise to abide by the cookie tax.

Trust me. It’s worth it.

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Recently I bought a new universal remote control. It’s not just any remote control. It’s a beautiful wonderful device that will control all of my components where lesser remotes failed. It has learning capabilities, programmable buttons and Bluetooth technology. It is the master remote. The “one remote.”  One remote to rule them all.

Unfortunately, I do not always get control of the “one remote.” You see I have a nice television. Everyone really likes it. And everyone really likes watching it. Some more than others. Some more than me…

If there is anything I have learned from living with various roommates throughout my years, it’s that not all of them have my impeccable taste for television programming or my penchant for all things baseball. In fact, some of my roommates throughout the years actually have television addictions of their own. This causes quite the discrepancy in my television viewing habits. Particularly during baseball season.

Being the non-confrontational person that I am, I often elect to listen to my baseball games on the radio, or watch my television late at night when others have retired for the evening. I don’t mind for the most part. It works out pretty well. I get to watch my TV late at night in peace and quiet, and during the day my roommates can get their regular 8-hour dose of their particular brand of extremist political propaganda, college sports from the Midwest,  and reality television. Sometimes for sake of roommate relations, I even sit in for a minute or two during these 8-hour media binges. Unless of course it’s reality television. I can’t stand that reality television. I don’t know why anyone in my apartment ever watches reality television.

In hindsight, maybe I should have kept the “one remote” a secret.

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Busy busy!! I have been SO busy!! I basically had no weekend. I worked longer on Friday and then did a video shoot on Saturday. Somehow I managed to babysit my niece and nephews on Sunday. And then this week I’ve been working a big job with a bunch of Mexican CEOs. Because I love that sweet Mexican dineros.

Anyways, I tried to hurry and still get something up for Wednesday. I would think next week we would get back to normal. Of course, post season baseball will be starting, so I’m not making any promises…

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Sometimes I can’t help but think about random things. The great questions of our day. Why DOES toast taste different than normal bread? Why do hot dogs come in packages of 10 and hot dog buns come in packages of 8? Why don’t we eat yellow snow?

The answers to such great and mysterious questions allude me in life. Perhaps the world may never know.

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I have been having a lot of weird dreams lately. I suppose they could be the result of a creative mind trying to make sense of the troubled and uncertain future. But I think it’s more likely the result of  drinking a large quart of chocolate milk right before bed.

They do make for interesting dreams though. Sometimes I write them down. I did actually have a dream the other night where I switched bodies with my cartoon raccoon counterpart. That resulted in all kinds of mayhem. I also recently dreamed that I was protecting the city’s widows and war veterans from multitudes of thuggish street gangs. But I didn’t do it alone. Two starters from the San Francisco Giants helped me in my crusade against evil.

Often my dreams are in the forms of narratives, almost as if I am reading a book or watching a movie. Such was the case when I dreamed that the raccoon and I swapped places. Also with the time I dreamt that a plucky redhead was investigating the death and disappearance of her missing husband, only to discover sinister dealings at the cabin, and that nothing was truly what it seemed…

I think my mind dreams in these narrative types of ways so I can take one of these dreams and turn it into a best selling novel or million dollar screenplay if I should feel so inclined. It will probably be that big break I’m looking for. I remember reading once that the original story of “Frankenstein” was all dreamt by the author who first penned the tale. My mind is most definitely trying to follow this method of success. I suppose it’s also entirely possible that my mind does this because I watch a lot of TV at 1 in the morning, but that’s completely beside the point.

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There’s just so much to do! I have all these ingenious little creative projects I want to work on. But people keep wanting my money. What’s up with that?? And so to appease them, I give them my money. Except then I don’t have any money. And money buys food and milk. And I like to eat food and drink milk. Sometimes. Once in a while.

So I have to go out and make more money. Except people aren’t as eager to give me money as they are to take it from me. What’s up with that?? So I have to work really hard and on lots of different things to make money. Milk money. And that takes my time. So much time. And then I don’t have the time to work on the cool awesome creative projects. And then the cycle repeats itself. Over and over. Viciously repeating. Kind of like episodes of “2 and a Half Men.” You beg and plead for the cycle to end but it just keeps going and going. Torturing your very soul. Which is really too bad. Because you really want to see my cool awesome creative projects. Because they’re cool. And awesome. They’re cool awesome.

Hang in there team. We’ll get there.

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You ever notice how very helpful the people of tech support can be? They never fail to really nail the tough questions. Once I had a “specialist” tell me to look for a yellow cord coming from my computer. As if he had any idea what color my Ethernet cables were. That was about the time I told him I had already tried everything he told me to do, and what I really needed was for him to get off his duff and reset the signal. At which point he finally did. And it worked. Because those tech support guys are freaking geniuses.

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Creating this one was a walk down memory lane.

Now, I have a TOTALLY good reason for reusing panels this week. You see, there was this work thing…and then there was this other work thing…and then there was this baseball game, which was actually a doubleheader…and then…there was yet another work thing…well, you get the idea.

See?? Totally reasonable. If I was a rich and wealthy cartoonist whose adoring fans paid him for his creativity on a salary-like basis, then obviously we wouldn’t need to be reusing panels now would we? WOULD WE?!?

Yeah. So think about THAT.

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What time is it? It’s waffle time! Oh how I love those sweet, sweet, toaster waffles. I am being completely serious when I say that from the year 1993 to the year 2003, I ate two Eggo waffles for breakfast every morning. Just to be clear, I literally mean EVERY. MORNING. One would think that you could get sick of Eggo waffles, but in that 10-year period, they were the most glorious and wondrous way to start my day.

I still regularly eat them. There’s nothing quite like a good toaster waffle. Their delicious aroma as they gently crisp in the toaster. The sweet, savory, maple syrup being poured over them. The hearty glass of milk awaiting you when you’ve finished that last bite of waffle. Mmmmmmm…

I always have to have my waffles. Once while I was working overseas out in the pacific islands I was living on the tiny island of Yap. Yes. That is a real place, and it’s awesome. Yap had one major grocery store on the island. And by “major” I really mean “incredibly tiny.” There were no waffles in the store, but there were rumors of waffles in frozen yellow boxes having made their way to the island before. So I went to the girl behind the counter and tried to explain the glory that is frozen toaster waffles. She insisted that she could indeed get them to the island. I was skeptical, but allowed myself to hope. Oh how I needed my waffles.

4-6 weeks later the little store’s freezer was completely stocked with Eggo waffles. They didn’t just order a few boxes. They ordered a ridiculous mount of boxes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many boxes of frozen toaster waffles all at once.

I bought them all.

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