Happy Opening Day everyone!!!!!!

…and I guess congratulations to Ross.

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Baseball is BACK!!!!!!

Here’s to another season!!!

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At long last! The winter is finally over!!!! Baseball is here!!!!

Happy Opening Day everyone!!!

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WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS!!!

This is what you call a dynasty.

#ChampionsTogether

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I do so love playoff baseball.

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You may think that you have no control over the outcome of a game while you sit at home on your couch watching the broadcast on TV, but you’d be WRONG. So very wrong. Real sports fans know that there are all kinds of little superstitions that can make or break the game.

For example: I am very aware that one’s wardrobe can make a great deal of difference. You should not, wear any colors of the opposing team on any given game day. Doing so would put the outcome of the game at risk. Don’t tempt fate my friend. I don’t care how good you look in blue…when the Dodgers come to town, you leave that shirt in the closet.

The outcome of games does not hinge only upon wardrobe either. If your friend comes over and sits down on your couch and all of a sudden your team scores 5 runs in the bottom of the 6th inning to tie the game, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES do ANY of you leave your seats. Not even for a moment or a trip to the bathroom. You might completely throw off the delicate balance of karma. Don’t risk it man. Don’t risk it.

Lastly, as I have discovered as of late, it TOTALLY matters which urinal you use on your way into the ballpark. That might be way more information than you wanted to know, but I felt it was critical that I get this information to the masses. You’re welcome.

Go team.

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HAPPY OPENING DAY!! May your batters throttle baseballs with great majesty, your pitchers’ sliders eternally catch the corner of the plate, and your managers lead with sage wisdom for the ages.

Unless of course you’re a Dodgers fan. In which case you don’t deserve any of those things.

Happy Opening Day!!!!!!!

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We’re so close people. The sun is getting warmer. The smell of freshly cut grass is in the air. The students are getting anxious for the end of school. The countdown has begun.

Baseball is coming. Life begins again.

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This is pretty much how I feel about every winter.

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I am a fantasy champion. Other fantasy managers quake in my online presence. They study my strategies and methods, hoping to match my success. But no one can compete with my vast knowledge and competitive drive to win. I’ve won 5 championships. My trophy case is well stocked. My winning percentage is ridiculous. My teams have all made the playoffs since 2004. And I crush all who stand in my way. Annihilating their playoff dreams. (Except for in 2005. I blame Chone Figgens for getting caught stealing in 2005. Curse you and your oddly spelled name!!) But there’s no shame to losing to me. After all, everyone does.

And yet this season, I am off to a miserable start. I have full faith in my players’ abilities to rebound, but it is a little jarring to see my team so low in the standings. When you have established a dynasty such as mine, one grows accustomed to seeing one’s team rise swiftly above the competition. But no matter. I will prove victorious once more. And all those who laughed or questioned my great wisdom will feel my wrath.

My virtual flag will wave proudly. And the virtual trophy will be mine.

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