I am a fantasy champion. Other fantasy managers quake in my online presence. They study my strategies and methods, hoping to match my success. But no one can compete with my vast knowledge and competitive drive to win. I’ve won 5 championships. My trophy case is well stocked. My winning percentage is ridiculous. My teams have all made the playoffs since 2004. And I crush all who stand in my way. Annihilating their playoff dreams. (Except for in 2005. I blame Chone Figgens for getting caught stealing in 2005. Curse you and your oddly spelled name!!) But there’s no shame to losing to me. After all, everyone does.
And yet this season, I am off to a miserable start. I have full faith in my players’ abilities to rebound, but it is a little jarring to see my team so low in the standings. When you have established a dynasty such as mine, one grows accustomed to seeing one’s team rise swiftly above the competition. But no matter. I will prove victorious once more. And all those who laughed or questioned my great wisdom will feel my wrath.
My virtual flag will wave proudly. And the virtual trophy will be mine.