This was a fun one to make. And I didn’t even plan it. Sometimes when you’ve written for characters long enough, they start to write themselves. This is one of those strips that the characters wrote themselves. Took me by surprise as well.

But what does it mean?!? Are Michael and Wendy back together? Is the chase finally over? And what about everybody’s favorite delivery man?? So many questions left unanswered… I guess you’ll just have to come back and read my work everyday for the rest of our lives, while throwing money in my direction to support your need for closure. Yeah. That’s a good plan. Let’s go with that.

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Don’t forget to enter the drawing for your chance to be drawn into an upcoming comic strip! It’s easy, free, and only takes a few seconds of your time!

The post It’s About Time appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I’m stuck. I’m totally stuck. Not only is my future devoid of any kind of plan, but I can’t even think of anything clever or satirical to write under this comic strip. So I’m stuck in both the literal and the philosophical sense. I’m doubly stuck. Like a dinosaur caught in one of the La Brea Tar Pits while suffering a mid-life crisis. That’s me. Stuck-o-saurus  Rex. Someday people will find my bones and put me on display in a museum somewhere. But they’ll probably put the wrong skull on my body and then they’ll have to change my name later on when they realize I’m a completely different kind of Stuckeosaur. That would just be my kind of luck.

……………..

You still have a chance to be featured in an upcoming Raccoon Toons comic strip! The official rules are here, but it’s really very simple:

1. Like the site.

2. Share your favorite comic strip from the site with people who are awesome.

3. Tell me you shared.

4. Cookie.

SO easy!! Make sure you leave a comment somewhere, send me an email (matt at raccoontoons.com), or let me know SOMEHOW how you shared or I won’t know to enter you into the drawing. One lucky winner will be selected at random and they WILL be drawn into an upcoming Raccoon Toons comic strip! You have until 12:29 am (California time) on February 1st. Good luck.

The post Merry Go Round appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Ok, I broke the 4th wall. I’m sorry. But I had good reason.

When I was a kid I read possibly every book there is to read about Walt Disney. Once in jr. high school, I even chose Walt Disney for my autobiography book report. The book, was in fact, not an autobiography, and I didn’t actually read it because I forgot about the assignment and the in-class essay until the night before. I ended up just writing the essay using only the knowledge I’d acquired about Walt Disney over the years without ever actually having read this particular autobiography…which again, wasn’t really an autobiography at all. Where I was required to use quotations I quoted or paraphrased actual quotes that I had previously committed to memory.

When all was said and done, I earned a “B+” on this paper on a book that was not only invalid for the assignment, but also one that I had never actually read. It was ironically, the highest grade I ever received from that particular English teacher, who for some inexplicable reason, just really hated my guts.

But I digress. My point is, I have always really loved and admired Walt Disney. In the 4th grade I did a report on him and dressed up in a suit and fake mustache. My report included posters with drawings of Mickey Mouse that I had made to illustrate the difference between how he looked in the first Mickey Mouse cartoon in 1928 (which by the way was Plane Crazy, and NOT Steamboat Willie thank you very much).

I think I let the fake mustache get to me, because it wasn’t long afterwards that I decided I really wanted to BE Walt Disney. That was my dream. I had great ambitions as a 4th grader. It was shortly after this that I created my very own cartoon characters. You know them here, as Michael and Wendy Raccoon.

It was my plan to do as Walt did, and create animated cartoons that surely the world would embrace as they did Mickey. Shortly thereafter, I would branch my newfound and lucrative stardom into my own animation studio just as Disney did. Then I would continue to build until my work was all over the movies and TV stations on Saturday mornings (because back then all the good cartoons were on Saturday mornings). Then, to complete my raging success, I would build my own theme park somewhere in California. There my raccoon characters would greet all of their adoring fans that would come from all over the world just to see them.

Somewhere along the lines I grew up a little, and realized that no one would ever repeat the talent, the entrepreneurship, and the lucky timing with technology to equal Walt Disney. So naturally I decided that I would just have to get Disney to distribute my cartoons, so that my characters could greet their adoring fans at Disneyland. It all seemed like a good plan.

And so here today, I have this little comic strip. The dream of a 10 year old boy. Forgive me if indulge him ever so slightly. The truth is, the older I get, the more I think I had it right in the 4th grade.

The post Can I Have Your Autograph? appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

It is no secret that I have a thing for Disney princesses. While most of these movies were probably designed to appeal to young girls with father issues, inspiring them to be true to themselves, forge their own path and make friends with animals, I embraced these movies for an entirely different reason: the women. I love those Disney princesses.

Each of them have a special place in my heart. I often like to think about which one of them would make an ideal wife. For example:

Princess Aurora (that’s Sleeping beauty for you non-princess aficionados) has that sweet innocence about her. Although to be fair, it’s probably pretty easy to be innocent when you live out in the forest with no one around but some bickering fairies and a lot of woodland creatures.

What about Cinderella? Man…that girl can cook, clean, sew…she does it all. That’s like, every man’s dream right there! Although…it’s a little weird that someone who is so OCD about cleanliness is fine with so many mice living in the house… I guess she never heard of the Black Plague…

How about Ariel, the little mermaid? I do like redheads… She seems a little young though…kind of immature… And talk about father issues! Also, I have to question the intelligence of someone who goes around pawning her voice off to sea witches, and thinks that’s a good idea…

Jasmine? No thanks. That girl is way too indignant. Way too spoiled. I mean, here her father is going to all kinds of trouble to find her a husband she might like. He brings in all these big shots, all these princes from all over. He’s giving his daughter every chance to find a decent guy, and all she does is complain about it. “Oh no! Another handsome rich guy likes me!! Woe is me!!” Can you imagine being married to her? “Take out the trash! By royal decree! I don’t want your Valentine’s presents! I am not some prize to be won! Don’t touch me, go jump off the balcony!” Nothing but trouble that girl. Even if she does have a great figure.

And then there’s Belle. Ahhh Belle…my perfect beauty. She really is the full package. She’s absolutely gorgeous, but she’s bright and educated too. She’s got a killer voice. She likes to read. She’s been taking care of her father for years so she’s great around the house. But she’s playful and fun and has a great arm, as evidenced by a snowball fight at the castle, so she could probably play on my softball team! I think I could probably even put her at third base. I mean, yeah the ball is a little more lively there, but I bet she could handle it… Ok…right about now is the point when I need to remind myself that I’m talking about an animated cartoon character. -sigh-

I suppose that the downside of any of these princesses is that they all went and got married to some charming future king of unknown region. Man…if only I could have been born a prince…

The post Prince Charming appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I’m about to tell you a story. It’s a throwing up story, so you are officially forewarned.

Once a group of high school students including myself were going up to the hills to camp. On the way, we decided to stop at a popular restaurant that I may or may not have worked at at some point in my life. Y’know, one of those places that has one of those catchy jingles about baby back ribs (which oddly enough, I cannot find an original video of anywhere in internet land). I, being the well-prepared forward thinker that I am, already ate before we went to the restaurant, so I opted to order just a soda. Then I noticed the price. $1.29?!?! For a soda?!?!  For a substance I knew to be no more than mere water and sugar?!?! Outrage!!! It was then that my moral indignation took over, and I decided it was my obligation as an American, to get my money’s worth of soda.

The restaurant, while charging a ludicrous amount for sugar-water, offered free refills. You can see where this is going…

17 glasses of soda later, we were in the car driving up into the mountains. On a curvy, winding road. 17 sodas…windy road… Yeah. I started feeling sick about 30 minutes up the mountain. I rolled down the window to get some air. It was a good thing I did. The next thing I knew, there was a cascade of Sprite flowing from the back seat, out the window, and onto the road behind us. The other car in our caravan stared with utter amazement.

I scurried out of the car and stood by the side of the road where liquid soda spewed from my innards like a waterfall down the mountain. I stood for a good 5 minutes straight, blown away by how my stomach was behaving like a water pump, shooting soda out of my mouth in a constant horizontal stream. Honestly, it was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever been a witness to.

When it was all over, I returned to the car and my newfound celebrity status, and we continued to our camp. I was however…disappointed that I had at this point, wasted $1.29.

The post So Magical appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Ok, since we’re on the subject of lines, I got a story for you. It was only a few years ago…in the land of Disney. It was a busy day at the park, and we had been having poor luck with rides breaking down. (In fact, this wasn’t long after our Tower of Terror experience.) Everywhere we went, it was especially crowded. No. Let me elaborate. You could not walk anywhere without stepping on exactly 5 small children, and someone’s straggling grandmother. Don’t ask me how I calculated those numbers…just trust me. They’re accurate.

We waded through the masses, trying desperately not to be run over by an army of designer strollers and obese people on fat-carts. I mean seriously…c’mon chunky. If you’re overweight maybe you should think about walking instead of cruising around on your personal fat-mobile. And don’t even get me started on the strollers! Disneyland was not made for strollers. When I first went to Disneyland I was only 2, and I didn’t have a stroller. I walked dang-it. And when I got cranky and tired my dad carried me like a real man, and not some yuppie pansy. But I digress…

With the poor luck and long lines we had encountered, we searched for a ride with a decent wait time. We finally decided on Pirates of the Caribbean as the wait time was listed below an hour. We stood in the line and began our journey towards eventual ride-dom. The line had been zig-zagged and strung out quite a ways from the actual ride. Ropes had been used to corral us like the cattle that we were. About 20 minutes passed by. And then, the strangest thing happened. As we followed the line, the line disappeared. Actually, “disappeared” doesn’t do it justice. It evaporated. The line literally vanished. All of a sudden, it was just gone. There was no one in front of us. And with the exception of a couple of confused people, there was no one behind us. We stood in the middle of the street, looking around with stupefied looks on our faces. Were we being watched? Was this some sort of Disneyland test used to discover the results of poor trafficking and line management? I may never know.

As we walked aimlessly, having completely wasted 20 minutes of our lives, we overheard that the ride may have broken down, which could have lead to the line’s annihilation dispersal. It really was the weirdest feeling. You think you’re going somewhere, and then all of a sudden…you’re not. Kind of like life after college.

Later in the day, we would in fact ride the ride…only to get stuck in the middle…for over half an hour… Shyeah. I can pretty much tell you every single detail about every pirate in that portion of the ride. And I’ll tell you what… Those pirates are persistent. They just keep shooting at each other endlessly. Over, and over, and over… At least I had the redhead to look at.

The post Long Lines appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

One of my absolute favorite things to do when riding roller coasters is to figure out where the camera is and try to get a good picture. It all started many, many, many, years ago when this guy (who would later become my brother in law), and I rode some roller coaster by the beach. The line was really short, and since we fear no roller coaster we went again and again. We figured out where the camera was and made sure to plan something bizarre for the photo.

From that moment on, I loved finding the camera and trying to do something in that fraction of a second that we would later find amusing. If you haven’t already done so, I highly recommend it. The possibilities are endless, really. You can scream really loud, or pretend to be ridiculously scared, you can take a phone call, or just do the most awkward and somewhat disturbing thing you can think of at a moment’s notice. The point is to have fun with it, and laugh about it later.

Have a good roller coaster you’re especially proud of? E-mail it on over to me. I’d love a good laugh.

The post Say Cheese appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Ok. I’m not making this up. That right there is the actual image associated with all of the ride warning signs at Disneyland. I snapped that photo the last time I was there. I just can’t seem to figure it out. What does it mean?? My best guess is that you are not allowed to dance and sing show tunes while on the ride. And that seems kind of contradictory don’t you think? I mean, this is Disneyland! They basically invented the musical genre. How can they turn around and deprive their patrons of their God given right to display jazz hands while riding roller coasters?! The whole thing just seems ludicrous.

The post No Jazz Hands Allowed appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Remember back when Pirates of the Caribbean was just an awesome ride instead of an overblown movie franchise that got really, really bad halfway through the second installment? Ahh…those were the days. The ride of course is still there, and it is still a lot fun, but it has been modified from years past. These days you see a lot of Johnny Depp running around. And instead of pirates attacking soldiers and good innocent bystanders, they’re attacking other pirates. Ok. Fine. Whatever. But the most alarming of the changes that have been made is to the pirates libido. Yes. That’s right. Park officials have removed the sex drive of pirates. The pirates have been neutered.

Where there once were ill-intentioned pirates chasing helpless women (who by the way, in some decades were giggling and enjoying the chase themselves), there are now “hungry” pirates chasing women with food. Other women are chasing pirates with broom sticks and rolling pins. So basically we are all to assume that there is one crazy game of freeze tag going on. That’s the only way it makes sense to me anyway.

Am I suggesting that it is ok for people to chase women and…um…”catch” them? No. Of course not. But that’s kind of the point. Are you ready for this? I’m about to blow your mind. You might want to sit down for this. Ok. Here we go. Pirates are bad guys. No really. I’m serious. They are bad guys. Check your history books. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

……..

Shyeah! Crazy stuff right?!? I know you totally thought they were all these heroic swashbucklers who for some unknown reason have an affinity for wearing eyeliner, but they were actually bad guys! Gosh. Who knew??

So, it seems kind of silly for pirates to not have any interest in women…especially since the women appeared to be enjoying the chase…and especially since those pirates had been out at sea for so long…

But that’s political correctness for you. You can trash the village. Go ahead. Pillage the town. Loot the houses, steal the treasure, and get completely hammered while you do so. But don’t chase the women. That would be wrong.

The post PC Pirates appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I love Disneyland. I really do. I love the atmosphere and the energy, the traditions and the memories. I never seem to get tired of it. Over the years I’ve become a bit of an expert at the park, knowing how to maneuver in and out of congested foot traffic, and hitting all the best rides at their proper times. I even know where in the park to get a trusty Indiana Jones Decoder card so I can read the walls in the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. (But of course, I don’t need to go get one, because I already have one. Obviously.)

But one of the things I am most amazed at is the staff of Disneyland. Day in and day out, they constantly remain calm, energetic, and absolutely and ridiculously enthused. I don’t know how they do it. Case in point:

A few years back, some family and I ventured onto the Hollywood Tower of Terror in Disney’s California Adventure theme park. We were pretty amped up. I was with my uncle and a couple of his kids and it would be their first time riding a thrill ride of this magnitude. The “cast member” operating the ride (who like everyone else in LA, I’m sure was really an actress…) was stellar. She used her best haunting voice. She waved her flashlight for dramatic effect. She had an sinister twilight-zone-ish laugh. Basically she was awesome. If I was writing a screenplay that called for a sinister bellhop and elevator operator I would find and call her agent post haste.

And then, everything went wrong. And not “make-believe” wrong like it was supposed to. No. This was “actual ride breaking down” wrong. Right as we were about to begin our dangerous and thrilling journey, right as the doors were closing, some guy in our “elevator” quickly decided to buckle his backpack into the empty seat next to him. Because it was already as the ride was beginning, the automatic safety precautions took effect, thus stopping the ride before it ever got started.

Our ride operator and “bellhop” calmly reacted to the situation. And she did so, without breaking character. Except, the ride wouldn’t start. We sat on the ride for about 20 minutes. 20 minutes. In a dark elevator shaft. Strapped into a chair. And as the poor ride operator struggled with the system that would not respond, she never broke character. Not once. She remained, an eerie, somewhat spooky bellhop elevator operator. As a result, no one got upset. No one’s mood soured. Everyone laughed and joked about the situation, even the poor guy who had caused it by buckling his backpack into the seat. It was really amazing. Finally, after 30 minutes had passed, another cast member came and moved us to another “elevator” and we went rode our ride.

When once the ride had ended, I preceded to the exit and saw our elevator operator. Quietly I smiled to her and let her know how impressed I had been with her for handling and diffusing what could have easily become a very stressful situation. Only then, for the briefest of moments, was her spooky facade lowered as she smiled and thanked me for my remark. And then, as quickly as it had vanished, her eerie character returned as she prepared to greet another group of passengers.

I’m impressed by these people who make little money, and who do their best to see that people like me can have a memorable day at a theme park before we return home and write about it under our comic strips.

Well done park workers. Well done.

The post Happiest Place appeared first on Raccoon Toons.