It is no secret that I have a thing for Disney princesses. While most of these movies were probably designed to appeal to young girls with father issues, inspiring them to be true to themselves, forge their own path and make friends with animals, I embraced these movies for an entirely different reason: the women. I love those Disney princesses.

Each of them have a special place in my heart. I often like to think about which one of them would make an ideal wife. For example:

Princess Aurora (that’s Sleeping beauty for you non-princess aficionados) has that sweet innocence about her. Although to be fair, it’s probably pretty easy to be innocent when you live out in the forest with no one around but some bickering fairies and a lot of woodland creatures.

What about Cinderella? Man…that girl can cook, clean, sew…she does it all. That’s like, every man’s dream right there! Although…it’s a little weird that someone who is so OCD about cleanliness is fine with so many mice living in the house… I guess she never heard of the Black Plague…

How about Ariel, the little mermaid? I do like redheads… She seems a little young though…kind of immature… And talk about father issues! Also, I have to question the intelligence of someone who goes around pawning her voice off to sea witches, and thinks that’s a good idea…

Jasmine? No thanks. That girl is way too indignant. Way too spoiled. I mean, here her father is going to all kinds of trouble to find her a husband she might like. He brings in all these big shots, all these princes from all over. He’s giving his daughter every chance to find a decent guy, and all she does is complain about it. “Oh no! Another handsome rich guy likes me!! Woe is me!!” Can you imagine being married to her? “Take out the trash! By royal decree! I don’t want your Valentine’s presents! I am not some prize to be won! Don’t touch me, go jump off the balcony!” Nothing but trouble that girl. Even if she does have a great figure.

And then there’s Belle. Ahhh Belle…my perfect beauty. She really is the full package. She’s absolutely gorgeous, but she’s bright and educated too. She’s got a killer voice. She likes to read. She’s been taking care of her father for years so she’s great around the house. But she’s playful and fun and has a great arm, as evidenced by a snowball fight at the castle, so she could probably play on my softball team! I think I could probably even put her at third base. I mean, yeah the ball is a little more lively there, but I bet she could handle it… Ok…right about now is the point when I need to remind myself that I’m talking about an animated cartoon character. -sigh-

I suppose that the downside of any of these princesses is that they all went and got married to some charming future king of unknown region. Man…if only I could have been born a prince…