I WILL HAVE SUMMER ABS.

I WILL HAVE SUMMER ABS.

I WILL HAVE SUMMER ABS.

This comic strip is basically just my way of fat shaming myself so as to motivate me to GET SUMMER ABS.

I’ll let you know if it works. Right after I finish this chocolate milk.

The post Get In Shape appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Like most website owners, I get a lot of false comments and SPAM. No, not that delicious canned meat that tastes great with Soy sauce and rice. I’m talking about internet SPAM. Worthless, useless, and often incoherent emails and comments to my website. Here’s a few gems from this week:

“i see, kind of? A commentary on gbaoll shifts? Have not read your blog in a few months. Neither have I written much in the last few months. But after going back and catching up, I am motivated to write again. I appreciate your heart.”

“The Big Easy Money At Home MakerIch have read that essay again and again? many newsgroups and never. I scretchad? around $ 6, and do today and invested my $ 6 Dollar.Jeder tells me I’m wasting my time, but I have no right to do nothing. The only thing I lose my $ 6, but if it works, you dannIch gl? ? Very explicitly, m? Me if it works only a little. I’m not looking? port? e hand, and there is no harm? out with a new source of income. I’m w rde? Try it, and i hope? I hope you too. Wennnichts, perhaps? Be k? We can each helfen.”

“You have brought up a very superb details , regards for the post.”

“checking to article appreciate has often for new The going really keep i and my site your and really your blogging bookmark content interest I information peaks am to I am…”

“this thought IDEA reader always blog is and of am Wow long stuff come do awosome im up at a amaized of Look i you some this This time train your with Where…”

“Dead composed subject material, thanks for selective information.”

I’m a little concerned about that “dead composing material…”

EDIT:
For your enjoyment, I have allowed the SPAM comments on this post. Enjoy.

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There’s a reason why these gimmicky exercise devices air their infomercials and advertisements only during the late night hours of television. It’s because they know that if you’re up that late in front of the TV, chances are you aren’t all that healthy. And if you’re up so very late instead of being in your warm, cozy bed dreaming about baseball or classy women (or baseball AND classy women), then chances are you aren’t all that bright either. It’s a dangerous combination. These bogus companies feed off of the unhealthy, sleep-deprived dimwittery of the late night TV audience.

And can you blame them? I mean really. Look at you. Up so late on a weekday. Sitting in your pajamas. Watching all your DVRed episodes of “Doctor Who?” and “Castle.” Guzzling down chocolate milk by the gallon. You make me sick, you flabby out-of-shape degenerate.

Now update your cartoon website and go to bed.

The post Ab Master 5000 appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I admit it. I judge books by their covers. Not only that, but I’ve gotten pretty good at it too. I try to be fair. I try to keep my judgments to myself. And I try to give people the opportunity to change my mind and prove my assessments false. Often I find however, that my snap-judgments are eventually given some credence. I think that’s probably the case for most people. We observe all kinds of people over the course of our lives, and we eventually begin to recognize similar patterns of behavior. I imagine that says a lot about how people choose to carry and portray themselves. It probably also says a lot about some kind of psycho-analytical mumbo jumbo. I don’t really know. I’m a cartoonist, not a psychologist.

The post Not Too Bright appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Hey that’s great. That’s really interesting. I’m so glad to hear that. Listen, I gotta go finish up my workout and get out of here. I need to drink a protein shake before it gets too late. And there’s a ballgame on.

The post This Is Why I Wear Headphones appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

There’s one of these at every gym. You know exactly who I’m talking about. They’re not there to work out. They’re there to prance around in as little clothing as they can get away with. They’re there to be seen. You try not to notice. You try to avoid glances in their direction. But they are masters of stealing attention. They are gym bunnies.

It doesn’t matter if you are male or female, old or young, or even if you prefer great taste or less filling. They want you to look at them. They desperately want to be watched. They hold your gaze like some kind of twisted tractor beam for your eyes. They will not be ignored. They’ll do all that they can until you finally succumb and steal a glance by looking through the reflection of 3 or 4 different mirrors. But she sees you. You’ve fallen right into her trap. You are her prey. And thus the conquest for your gaze is over. She’s won.

The post Gym Bunnies appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

While studies actually indicate that grunting and flexing will in fact increase your performance in the gym, I still think it’s funny. I always laugh when someone is flexing in the mirror and performing for themselves their very own Mr. Olympia.

Also this comic strip totally reminds me of this.

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For the month of October I will be updating the comic strips SIX days a week! That means you’ll have a new comic strip every Monday-Saturday! If you like the comic strips and enjoy reading them on a daily basis I would encourage you to make a donation to the website in addition to visiting the site frequently. Believe it or not, it really helps!

The post Flex And Grunt appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

It’s a story that’s all too common in the gym. You’re waiting for a machine, or the cables, or a bench to open up. You’d come back to it later if you could, but you’ve already finished everything else from your workout. All you need is just three sets of one last, stupid, exercise. But you can’t do it. You can’t do it because some gym-illiterate nimrod has been sitting there on the machine all evening long. It’s been half an hour and he’s still there, doing the same repetitive exercise with barely any weight. And that’s if he’s actually doing any exercise at all. Half the time he isn’t even using it. He just sits there staring into space. You desperately want to believe that he’s resting between sets, but that can’t be since the pansy had barely any weight on there in the first place. Often he’s sitting there talking to someone, mindlessly droning on and on about some pointless piece of drivel. Or maybe he’s chatting up some young gym bunny who’s been running around on the stair master without enough clothes on.

The point is he’s the only thing that stands in the way between you and your workout. There are a couple of methods you can try at this point. You can stand there, obviously…hoping that he’ll get a clue that you’re waiting on him and have been for the past decade. But often these people are completely oblivious to the world. You can ask politely if he’ll let you and perhaps others work in. But chances are that the poor sap is so lost to proper gym etiquette that he probably wouldn’t even have a clue what that means. He’ll stare blankly at you with a stupefied look on his face, wondering why you’re readjusting the weight when he’s still “using” this particular piece of equipment.

“Look pal,” you’ll say, “I could do a week’s worth of workouts in the time that you’ve been sitting there hogging the [insert gym equipment of choice here]. It’s bad enough that you stole it from me an hour ago when I was trying to use it during some supersets. But now you’re still here. And you’ve been here. All night long. Taunting me with your sheer immovability. Well no more. I’m finishing my workout and I’m going home. Why don’t you go use the ab cruncher. You look like a guy who thinks that he can lose some of that flab on your gut by using the ab cruncher.”

Only then, at long last, do you finally get to finish your workout. You may sound like a jerk. But at least you’ll finally make it home. And silently, everyone else in the gym will appreciate your sacrifice on their behalf.

The post Machine Hog appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

Gym etiquette isn’t hard to understand. It isn’t hard to grasp. It’s really just common sense. You already learned everything you needed to know back in kindergarten. Pick up after yourself. Put your toys away when you’re done using them. Learn how to share. Don’t hog all the best toys for yourself. Don’t distract others who are working. So you see, the gym really is a lot like kindergarten. I guess that’s why I feel so at home there… That, and when I’m all done with my workouts I get a snack and a nap. Yup. Just like Kindergarten.

On an unrelated note, did you see the Giants vs. Braves game yesterday?? Awwwwwyeah!!!

The post Gym Etiquette appeared first on Raccoon Toons.

I have a few pet peeves when it comes to working out in the gym. But my biggest one hands down, is when people don’t rack their weights properly. Nothing irritates me more then when someone puts the weight on the wrong rack, or worse yet, when they don’t rack their weight at all.

I mean c’mon, really! I’m not at the gym to pick up after you. I’m not at the gym to follow you around and put your weights back for you before I can use a bench. I’m at the gym to get my workout done as efficiently and quickly as possible. Because I actually care enough about my workouts to time my rests between reps and sets, I don’t have time to waste putting your weight back for you. I’m not your mother. And I’m not an employee of the gym either (who by the way, hate racking your weight for you as much as I do).

So for the love of Pete, rack your weight! If you don’t or if I catch you doing it wrong, you’re going to get a dirty look from me while I stop whatever it is I’m doing, walk over to your weights and stare you down while I rack them properly in front of you. Don’t hate me when I do. It’s the only way you’ll learn your gym etiquette. And you need to learn your gym etiquette.

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For the month of October I will be updating the comic strips SIX days a week! That means you’ll have a new comic strip every Monday-Saturday! If you like the comic strips and enjoy reading them on a daily basis I would encourage you to make a donation to the website in addition to visiting the site frequently. Believe it or not, it really helps!

The post Rack Your Weights appeared first on Raccoon Toons.