It’s a story that’s all too common in the gym. You’re waiting for a machine, or the cables, or a bench to open up. You’d come back to it later if you could, but you’ve already finished everything else from your workout. All you need is just three sets of one last, stupid, exercise. But you can’t do it. You can’t do it because some gym-illiterate nimrod has been sitting there on the machine all evening long. It’s been half an hour and he’s still there, doing the same repetitive exercise with barely any weight. And that’s if he’s actually doing any exercise at all. Half the time he isn’t even using it. He just sits there staring into space. You desperately want to believe that he’s resting between sets, but that can’t be since the pansy had barely any weight on there in the first place. Often he’s sitting there talking to someone, mindlessly droning on and on about some pointless piece of drivel. Or maybe he’s chatting up some young gym bunny who’s been running around on the stair master without enough clothes on.
The point is he’s the only thing that stands in the way between you and your workout. There are a couple of methods you can try at this point. You can stand there, obviously…hoping that he’ll get a clue that you’re waiting on him and have been for the past decade. But often these people are completely oblivious to the world. You can ask politely if he’ll let you and perhaps others work in. But chances are that the poor sap is so lost to proper gym etiquette that he probably wouldn’t even have a clue what that means. He’ll stare blankly at you with a stupefied look on his face, wondering why you’re readjusting the weight when he’s still “using” this particular piece of equipment.
“Look pal,” you’ll say, “I could do a week’s worth of workouts in the time that you’ve been sitting there hogging the [insert gym equipment of choice here]. It’s bad enough that you stole it from me an hour ago when I was trying to use it during some supersets. But now you’re still here. And you’ve been here. All night long. Taunting me with your sheer immovability. Well no more. I’m finishing my workout and I’m going home. Why don’t you go use the ab cruncher. You look like a guy who thinks that he can lose some of that flab on your gut by using the ab cruncher.”
Only then, at long last, do you finally get to finish your workout. You may sound like a jerk. But at least you’ll finally make it home. And silently, everyone else in the gym will appreciate your sacrifice on their behalf.