One night several years ago, I went to a hockey game with some friends of mine. While we were there, a blond that knew my friend sat down to visit with us. She had long blond hair and a big set of eyes that kept staring at me as I talked. At first I thought I was really being really suave. In only a few seconds of meeting this girl I already had her hanging on my word and playfully hitting my arm! She started flashing all the signals she could that suggested that she was interested in more than just my knowledge of collegiate ice hockey.
Not long had passed however, before I started to notice some odd behavior from this girl. First of all, she appeared to have the attention span of a gnat. Her eyes flickered around the hockey rink while her head bobbed around doing that thing that dogs do when they think they hear something way off in the distance.
She also seemed to have no sense of continuity. One minute she’s be talking to her friend sitting beside her, and then it mid sentence she’s turn to me and ask me the capitol of Delaware, while simultaneously turning to my friend and asking her where she bought her classy belt. Although, in her defense, it was a pretty sweet belt.
But the thing I remember most, was the way she responded to me. I had never met this girl before in my life. But she would sit there and stare at me like we were long lost lovers. In passing I made some clever remark that I’m sure wasn’t terribly funny. I don’t remember what it was, but I’m sure it was something ridiculously lame.
“Hey, you know why ice is so cold?”
“No, why?”
“Because it’s frozen.”
Whatever I said it was something stupid. But apparently she found it to be the funniest thing she’d ever heard. She erupted in laughter. She placed her hand on my shoulder for flirtatious support as she proceeded to cackle into the night, her bellowing guffaws echoing across the hockey rink. People around us started to look at me. I’m sure they must’ve thought I was the funniest man alive. A comic celebrity in their midst, taking in a night of ice hockey. The blond continued to laugh uncontrollably while she gasped between breaths, “You’re so FUNNY!”
I sat there and looked at this woman as she laughed while keeled over and latched on to my shoulder. I looked around the seating at various people in attendance. I looked at my friend and her classy belt. To this day, I remember the moment and my inner monologue so very clearly. As I looked at the gasping blond before me, struggling for breath because of my hilarity I thought to myself, “Matt…there is no way, you are this funny.”
Turned out I was right. The blond didn’t sit by us for too long. She spent most of the hockey game going from one guy’s shoulder to the next. I smiled when she made it all the way to the opposite side of the rink by the third period. For her, the game was in the stands.