This one is for my mother, who it would seem has made it her personal mission in life to make all of her Christmas decorations as inaccessible as humanly possible. She sure is lucky that she has a son who lives in the area and who can drop everything to come over and crawl into the attic and drive to and from storage units to retrieve such decorations.

Someday when I’m rich off the income of so many raccoon cartoons (did you notice I’m coming up on 300?), I’ll build a big fancy house that has compartments for all my Christmas decorations. I’ll push a button and the ceiling will open up and a Christmas tree will shoot out into my living room. Christmas lights on the outside of the house will pop out from under the awnings. My kitchen sink will magically start flowing with hot chocolate and wassail. And a fire will continuously illuminate my fireplaces…except when Santa is coming down my chimney of course.