I really need to get me some of this Mistletoe stuff. All you have to do is stand under it and you’re given a free pass to kissing! How sweet is that?!?! I’ve never really taken advantage of this holiday tradition. Where does one go to purchase this gloriously wondrous plant with magical properties? I’ve never seen it at my local garden store (I say that as if I frequent local garden stores…). Perhaps you have to special order this amazing form of vegetation. You know, like you order movie tickets from Fandango. Only instead of a ticket to another poorly done romantic comedy, you’re getting a one-way ticket to all of kissing-dom. Which, now that I think about it, isn’t all that different from a poorly done romantic comedy…but you get the point.

I need to invest in some of this. I need to keep it with me on hand, ready for any and all emergencies. I’ve played out all the scenarios in my mind in which mistletoe can only be the answer to all the problems in the world. Let’s suppose you’re out on a date, but it isn’t going well:

 

Guy: Wow you sure look nice tonight!

Girl: You look like an excessively ugly dog.

Guy: You’re really quite beautiful!

Girl: No. Seriously. You repulse me.

Guy: Oh look! Mistletoe!

Girl: Drat! I am now morally obligated to kiss you.

-kiss-

Guy: Let’s get married.

Girl: Fine.


Man that mistletoe is some sweet, sweet, magical goodness. I have got to get me some of that!