There’s nothing worse than another guy stealing your girl. If there’s one thing that television and movies have taught us, it’s that everyone hates that guy. Everyone.

It’s happened to me. Obviously the girl couldn’t have been in her right mind (obviously…), but it has happened to me nonetheless. At the time, I was young and somewhat immature, so naturally the fitting solution to this problem was to prank the new guy mercilessly.

There were several ill-advised attempts that worked in varying degrees, but the best one really showed off my skills as a prankster. You see, my newfound enemy had a habit of drinking soda. Dude drank soda like it was going out of style. Naturally, this seemed like an opportune method to deliver a prank that would surely somehow result in his removal as new boyfriend.

After much diabolical scheming, I stumbled upon the answer. Lemon flavored laxative. Oh yes. You read that right. It was time to fight dirty.

You know what happened next… There was much laxative dumped into many giant-sized sodas, I can tell you. I even overheard him mentioning that his colas had been tasting different lately. I have no idea how adversely the laxatives affected him. But in all of my imaginative scenarios, the poor fool was dropping a messy and greasy bowel movement every hour on the hour. And he deserved it. Jerk.