I was once told that women like spontaneity. Only I don’t think that’s actually true. Sure, all you girls would just love it if some guy with great hair who you’d secretly been stalking on the internet walked up to you and said in his deep and masculine voice “hey, this is so sudden and spontaneous, but let’s go take a trip together to the far away island of Yap. Right now. Let’s leave. This instant.”

See you’d all LOVE that, and you’d brag to all your girlfriends, “oh my man is soooooo spontaneous. He’s the most spontaneous of all the men. You wish you were me.”

See but here’s the thing. That’s not being spontaneous. Because that guy with great hair and the deep and masculine voice got the idea to travel. Then he probably looked in to the costs, checked flight times, and weighed whether or not he could take the time off work. So I hate to burst your bubble ladies. But what you think was spontaneous wasn’t spontaneous at all. In fact, you keep using that word and I do not think it means what you think it means.

What you think you love and adore wasn’t spontaneity. It was surprise.

I mean think about it. You wouldn’t really want to travel to a distant [but awesome] far away land without any plan whatsoever. You want your man with the great hair and well chiseled abdomen to plan everything and just surprise you with everything you like (obviously he should just be able to magically KNOW these things). So you see, it isn’t really spontaneous at all. It’s just spontaneous to you, because you were unaware of this plan until a moment ago when this super-human-man with the great abs (who is also a doctor) surprised you with it while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

So you dear sweet ladies, the next time you want your man to be more spontaneous think long and hard about it. And then after you’ve imagined the two of you lost and alone without any plan or course of action whatsoever, tell him that you like surprises instead.